Venting

So, I have been spending alot of time on me. For the last two weeks, I have been occupied by my bike or the gym. Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday were days spent on the bike. Monday, Wednesday and Friday were days spent at the gym. Last night I had a great ride at Starr Pass followed by an even better ride at Fantasy. Yet, I am still left empty and depressed.

Not able to put my finger on why I feel this way. There are so many changes going on in my life right now; I'm not sure which change is responsible for the thoughts running through my head. Even with all this pain that I'm feeling, I feel responsible for pain that I'm bring onto others.

A couple of things about me...I am a yes girl, a people pleaser. If for some reason I cannot make someone happy, or if someone doesn't want anything to do with me; I need to fix it...make it better. Not everything can be fixed and not everyone wants to be fixed; which leaves me feeling the way that I feel.

I want this time of my life to be over with. I want to be comfortable being alone. I want to know that it's okay if someone isn't loving me at the moment. I want to know that it's okay if I'm not someones center of attention. It's amazing that you can be surrounded by so many friends, and still feel alone.